just tell him i said nine months
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
