I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
