I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
