Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
40s are totally the cure
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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