yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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