I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
