I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
