Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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