I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
