i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
