I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
