Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
