people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
