new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
