I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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