Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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