Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
