Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
