we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
