he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
