Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
