i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
