You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
