dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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