I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
