i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
