Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
