I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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