The brown eye won't let me do that either.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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