I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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