if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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