So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Holy sore nipples Batman
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
