went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
