pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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