The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
