LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
