I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize