fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
