Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
