He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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