Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize