we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
