My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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