Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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