My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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