Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
birth control should be required to get into college
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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