Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
