Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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