you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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