i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
