We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
