Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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