Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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