i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
