Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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