remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
