the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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