the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
