i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
