I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize