im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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