I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
