Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
