i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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