you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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