I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
