I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
