He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He felt like a one man threesome
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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