Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
