idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
