Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
