i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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