I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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