Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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