You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
