OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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