mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
