Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
