I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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