I wish my penis had an off switch
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
