Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
