I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
