After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize