Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
