Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
