Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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