I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
