my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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