Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
