you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
