I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
