someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
