oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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