she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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