Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
